1
00:00:01,266 --> 00:00:03,201
(machine-gun fire on TV)
2
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:05,582
All I'm saying is, if they
took all the money they spent
3
00:00:05,682 --> 00:00:07,149
trying to make
a decent Hulk movie,
4
00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:10,619
they could probably
just make an actual Hulk.
5
00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,571
That is apt and amusing.
6
00:00:13,189 --> 00:00:14,740
I think I shall share that
7
00:00:14,741 --> 00:00:16,441
with Amy Farrah Fowler.
8
00:00:16,442 --> 00:00:18,860
She'll appreciate
the witticism.
9
00:00:18,861 --> 00:00:20,245
Thank you.
10
00:00:20,246 --> 00:00:23,648
It'll also help improve her
initial impression of you.
11
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:26,318
So what's going on with you two?
12
00:00:26,319 --> 00:00:29,254
Well, the status is
as it always was.
13
00:00:29,255 --> 00:00:31,156
She's a girl. She's a friend.
14
00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,257
She is not my--
15
00:00:32,258 --> 00:00:33,542
please forgive me
for doing this--
16
00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:35,160
"girlfriend."
17
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,012
Right, right.
18
00:00:37,013 --> 00:00:40,015
So you're still just
texting and emailing?
19
00:00:40,016 --> 00:00:42,517
You don't feel any need
to hang out with her, you know--
20
00:00:42,518 --> 00:00:44,386
be in the same room?
21
00:00:44,387 --> 00:00:46,221
Leonard, you are
my best friend.
22
00:00:46,222 --> 00:00:48,623
I've known you
for seven years,
23
00:00:48,624 --> 00:00:51,560
and I can barely tolerate
sitting on the couch with you.
24
00:00:51,561 --> 00:00:55,697
Imagine my attitude regarding
prolonged physical proximity
25
00:00:55,698 --> 00:00:57,182
to Amy Farrah Fowler.
26
00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:58,867
Got it.
27
00:00:58,868 --> 00:01:01,703
I sense judgment on your part.
28
00:01:01,704 --> 00:01:03,004
No, no.
29
00:01:03,673 --> 00:01:05,624
Maybe a little.
30
00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:09,778
May I suggest that your
criticism is based on jealousy.
31
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,597
Jealousy? What do I
have to be jealous of?
32
00:01:12,598 --> 00:01:15,450
I have a functioning
and satisfying relationship
33
00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,785
with a female.
34
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,222
You have none.
35
00:01:20,223 --> 00:01:22,874
Oh, right. That.
36
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,310
Jealousy is an ugly
green-eyed monster--
37
00:01:25,311 --> 00:01:26,445
not unlike the Hulk--
38
00:01:26,446 --> 00:01:29,347
who, by the way,
also has a girlfriend.
39
00:01:29,348 --> 00:01:31,549
In this iteration,
Jennifer Connelly,
40
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:34,269
whom you may recall as
the girlfriend of Russell Crowe
41
00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:35,337
in A Beautiful Mind,
42
00:01:35,338 --> 00:01:38,890
a feel-good romp if
there ever was one.
43
00:01:40,026 --> 00:01:41,076
I'm not jealous.
44
00:01:41,077 --> 00:01:42,694
(grunts like the Hulk)
45
00:01:42,695 --> 00:01:45,030
Leonard not jealous.
46
00:01:46,082 --> 00:01:49,668
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
47
00:01:49,669 --> 00:01:53,004
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
48
00:01:53,005 --> 00:01:54,623
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
49
00:01:54,624 --> 00:01:57,175
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
50
00:01:57,176 --> 00:01:59,828
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
51
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:02,514
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
52
00:02:02,515 --> 00:02:04,399
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
53
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,024
♪ Bang! ♪
54
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:08,224
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x05 ♪
The Desperation Emanation
Original Air Date on October 21, 2010
55
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:12,434
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
56
00:02:12,587 --> 00:02:14,488
You know, it just
occurred to me,
57
00:02:14,494 --> 00:02:17,747
if there are an infinite
number of parallel universes,
58
00:02:17,748 --> 00:02:20,750
in one of them,
there's probably a Sheldon
59
00:02:20,751 --> 00:02:24,170
who doesn't believe
parallel universes exist.
60
00:02:24,171 --> 00:02:26,555
Probably. What's your point?
61
00:02:26,556 --> 00:02:27,473
No point.
62
00:02:27,474 --> 00:02:28,808
It's just one
of the things
63
00:02:28,809 --> 00:02:30,593
that makes one of
the mes chuckle.
64
00:02:30,594 --> 00:02:31,927
(chuckles)
65
00:02:31,928 --> 00:02:35,014
What makes you
chuckle, Leonard?
66
00:02:35,015 --> 00:02:37,516
Hmm, recently?
67
00:02:37,517 --> 00:02:38,634
Not much.
68
00:02:38,635 --> 00:02:40,653
Is it because of the
conflict that arises
69
00:02:40,654 --> 00:02:42,971
from your desperate need
to pair-bond with a woman,
70
00:02:42,972 --> 00:02:45,191
and the apparent collective
decision of all womankind
71
00:02:45,192 --> 00:02:49,612
to deny you
that opportunity?
72
00:02:49,613 --> 00:02:51,080
Um...
73
00:02:51,081 --> 00:02:53,582
Shut up.
74
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:55,984
SHELDON: You know,
when my grandfather died,
75
00:02:55,985 --> 00:02:58,454
and Meemaw was alone,
my mom arranged for her
76
00:02:58,455 --> 00:03:00,456
to visit a center
three times a week
77
00:03:00,457 --> 00:03:04,010
where she could socialize
with other lonely people.
78
00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:05,378
It's very nice.
79
00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:09,164
They discuss current events,
play bridge, get a hot meal.
80
00:03:09,165 --> 00:03:10,332
That sounds lovely.
81
00:03:10,333 --> 00:03:13,653
It is if you
like bridge.
82
00:03:13,654 --> 00:03:15,788
Do you like bridge,
Leonard?
83
00:03:15,789 --> 00:03:18,674
Sheldon, I'm just not
dating someone right now.
84
00:03:18,675 --> 00:03:22,728
I don't need to go
to a senior center.
85
00:03:22,729 --> 00:03:26,816
Meemaw resisted at first,
but now she loves it.
86
00:03:26,817 --> 00:03:30,352
Fine. If I don't meet someone
soon, you can put me in a home.
87
00:03:30,353 --> 00:03:31,687
It's not a home.
88
00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:33,823
It's a senior center.
89
00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:37,209
We'd never put
Meemaw in a home!
90
00:03:38,378 --> 00:03:39,378
Hey, guys.
91
00:03:39,379 --> 00:03:40,629
Hey.
Hey.
92
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:45,000
All right, I'll bow
to social pressure: Hey!
93
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,218
(musical ringtone plays)
94
00:03:46,219 --> 00:03:48,003
Excuse me. That's my girlfriend,
Bernadette.
95
00:03:48,004 --> 00:03:49,672
I assigned her
her own ringtone--
96
00:03:49,673 --> 00:03:51,257
"Bernadette,"
by The Four Tops.
97
00:03:51,258 --> 00:03:52,975
Hello, Bernadette.
98
00:03:54,211 --> 00:03:57,863
When I call him, his phone
plays "Brown Eyed Girl."
99
00:03:58,498 --> 00:03:59,598
Which, now that
100
00:03:59,599 --> 00:04:01,801
I think about it,
is not so good.
101
00:04:01,802 --> 00:04:04,403
You realize he's just
rubbing our noses in the fact
102
00:04:04,404 --> 00:04:06,038
that he has a girlfriend,
and we don't.
103
00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:08,190
You mean, you don't.
104
00:04:08,191 --> 00:04:09,392
You have a girlfriend?
105
00:04:09,393 --> 00:04:10,776
How could you have a girlfriend?
106
00:04:10,777 --> 00:04:12,244
You can't even speak to women.
107
00:04:12,245 --> 00:04:15,581
Two words-- deaf chick.
108
00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:17,583
It doesn't matter
109
00:04:17,584 --> 00:04:19,852
if I can't talk,
because she can't hear me.
110
00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:21,454
What?
111
00:04:21,455 --> 00:04:23,222
That's what she said.
112
00:04:24,841 --> 00:04:27,393
Great. You have a girlfriend,
Howard's got a girlfriend,
113
00:04:27,394 --> 00:04:28,761
Sheldon's got
a girl...
No, no, no, no!
114
00:04:28,762 --> 00:04:29,879
...who's a friend.
115
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,914
Thank you.
116
00:04:31,915 --> 00:04:33,099
What about you, Stuart?
117
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,600
You have a
girlfriend yet?
118
00:04:34,601 --> 00:04:35,851
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
119
00:04:35,852 --> 00:04:38,354
I met her at Comic-Con,
the one place in the world
120
00:04:38,355 --> 00:04:40,506
where saying
"I own a comic bookstore"
121
00:04:40,507 --> 00:04:42,258
is an actual pickup line.
122
00:04:42,259 --> 00:04:44,193
Oh. Well, good for you.
123
00:04:44,194 --> 00:04:46,295
Not really. She's horrible.
124
00:04:47,197 --> 00:04:48,714
When she wants to have sex,
125
00:04:48,715 --> 00:04:51,117
she puts on her plus-size
Wonder Woman costume and shouts,
126
00:04:51,118 --> 00:04:53,919
"Who wants to take a ride
in my invisible plane?"
127
00:04:55,288 --> 00:04:57,773
Why don't you just
break up with her?
128
00:04:57,774 --> 00:04:59,992
(laughing):
No, no, I can't.
129
00:04:59,993 --> 00:05:00,943
Why not?
130
00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:02,378
'Cause then I'd be alone,
131
00:05:02,379 --> 00:05:03,746
like you.
132
00:05:05,081 --> 00:05:07,466
Dude, why don't you just invoke
your girlfriend pact
133
00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:09,068
with Wolowitz?
134
00:05:09,069 --> 00:05:11,387
Because I don't
need his girlfriend
135
00:05:11,388 --> 00:05:13,806
to set me up with one
of her girlfriends.
136
00:05:13,807 --> 00:05:17,092
I'm perfectly capable of
finding a girl on my own.
137
00:05:17,093 --> 00:05:19,145
Oh, Leonard, you remind me
138
00:05:19,146 --> 00:05:21,313
of the funny old story
about a man
139
00:05:21,314 --> 00:05:23,299
who walks into a women's
correctional institution
140
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,650
with a stack of paperwork
141
00:05:24,651 --> 00:05:27,186
that will allow
the female convicts to go free.
142
00:05:27,187 --> 00:05:29,088
You're saying I
couldn't get laid
143
00:05:29,089 --> 00:05:32,608
in a women's prison with
a handful of pardons.
144
00:05:32,609 --> 00:05:35,277
Are you going to let me
tell the story or not?
145
00:05:38,832 --> 00:05:40,483
Leonard?
146
00:05:40,484 --> 00:05:41,851
Are you sleeping?
147
00:05:41,852 --> 00:05:43,085
No.
148
00:05:43,086 --> 00:05:44,086
Are you ill?
149
00:05:44,087 --> 00:05:45,120
No.
150
00:05:45,121 --> 00:05:46,488
Are you still depressed
151
00:05:46,489 --> 00:05:48,791
because you're alone,
and no one loves you?
152
00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:51,277
I don't know. Maybe.
153
00:05:51,278 --> 00:05:53,629
I want you to know
that I'm genuinely concerned
154
00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:54,880
about your well-being.
155
00:05:54,881 --> 00:05:56,549
Thank you.
You're welcome.
156
00:05:56,550 --> 00:06:00,168
But it's still no reason
to have your feet in my spot.
157
00:06:01,721 --> 00:06:05,341
AMY:
May I offer an observation?
158
00:06:07,143 --> 00:06:08,861
What the hell?
How long has she been here?
159
00:06:08,862 --> 00:06:11,647
Since we got home
from the comic bookstore.
160
00:06:11,648 --> 00:06:12,781
That was two hours ago.
161
00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:13,949
As per your suggestion,
162
00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:15,451
we're hanging out.
163
00:06:15,452 --> 00:06:16,518
Quite frankly, I don't see
164
00:06:16,519 --> 00:06:17,686
what all the hoopla's about.
165
00:06:17,687 --> 00:06:19,488
Go on, Amy.
166
00:06:19,489 --> 00:06:21,257
From a neurobiological
standpoint, Leonard,
167
00:06:21,258 --> 00:06:23,759
you may be alone
because your psychological state
168
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,228
is causing
an actual pheromone-based stink
169
00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:27,880
of desperation.
170
00:06:28,899 --> 00:06:30,049
Did you know that, Leonard?
171
00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:31,800
No.
I did.
172
00:06:33,336 --> 00:06:35,237
I understand
that some people find mates
173
00:06:35,238 --> 00:06:37,706
in social gathering places
such as bars or taverns.
174
00:06:37,707 --> 00:06:39,575
Have you tried a bar or tavern?
175
00:06:39,576 --> 00:06:41,894
No, I'm not gonna try
to pick up a woman in a bar.
176
00:06:41,895 --> 00:06:44,063
Wise decision. You see, Amy,
177
00:06:44,064 --> 00:06:47,683
success at a bar is based
on classic male attributes
178
00:06:47,684 --> 00:06:50,653
such as height, strength,
attractiveness,
179
00:06:50,654 --> 00:06:53,555
the ability to hold one's liquor
and throw darts--
180
00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:54,823
separately or together.
181
00:06:54,824 --> 00:06:58,661
Leonard has none of these
attributes, right, Leonard?
182
00:07:00,614 --> 00:07:02,982
Right.
183
00:07:02,983 --> 00:07:04,583
That's not true of all bars.
184
00:07:04,584 --> 00:07:05,784
Juice bars, for example.
185
00:07:05,785 --> 00:07:07,786
Oh! Good point, Amy.
186
00:07:07,787 --> 00:07:10,039
Yeah, building
on your premise,
187
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,091
Leonard could
frequent sushi bars,
188
00:07:12,092 --> 00:07:14,009
salad bars, oyster bars,
189
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:16,378
the Apple Genius Bar...
What are you doing?
190
00:07:16,379 --> 00:07:18,213
Keep going. I'm listening.
191
00:07:19,316 --> 00:07:21,300
That was rude.
192
00:07:21,301 --> 00:07:23,118
He does it all the time.
193
00:07:23,119 --> 00:07:27,156
He's a cornucopia
of social awkwardness.
194
00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:28,524
Cornucopia.
195
00:07:28,525 --> 00:07:29,558
What a mellifluous word.
196
00:07:29,559 --> 00:07:31,410
Let's make that our word
of the day.
197
00:07:31,411 --> 00:07:34,597
Agreed. And we'll use
mellifluous tomorrow.
198
00:07:34,598 --> 00:07:37,399
Well, I have to void my bladder.
199
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,685
It was nice spending this time
with you.
200
00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:41,053
AMY:
Wait.
201
00:07:41,054 --> 00:07:42,254
I have a request.
202
00:07:42,255 --> 00:07:43,455
Yes?
203
00:07:43,456 --> 00:07:44,890
I'd like you to meet my mother.
204
00:07:44,891 --> 00:07:46,058
I see.
205
00:07:46,059 --> 00:07:47,826
Can I get back to you on that?
206
00:07:47,827 --> 00:07:49,578
Certainly. Good night.
207
00:07:49,579 --> 00:07:51,780
Good night.
208
00:07:55,585 --> 00:07:59,004
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard,
209
00:07:59,005 --> 00:08:01,674
Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
210
00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:04,376
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard,
211
00:08:04,377 --> 00:08:05,628
Leonard, Leonard,
212
00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:06,828
Leonard, Leonard...
213
00:08:06,829 --> 00:08:08,263
Yeah, what?
214
00:08:08,264 --> 00:08:11,216
Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me
to meet her mother.
215
00:08:11,217 --> 00:08:12,418
Yeah. So?
216
00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:15,104
What does that mean?
217
00:08:15,105 --> 00:08:17,056
Well, you know
how you're always saying
218
00:08:17,057 --> 00:08:19,308
that Amy is a girl
who's your friend,
219
00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:20,476
and not your girlfriend?
220
00:08:20,477 --> 00:08:23,445
Uh-huh.
You can't say
that anymore.
221
00:08:25,348 --> 00:08:27,349
Wait. What?
222
00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:28,517
Look, she obviously wants
223
00:08:28,518 --> 00:08:30,803
to take your relationship
to the next level.
224
00:08:30,804 --> 00:08:32,521
I don't want
the next level.
225
00:08:32,522 --> 00:08:34,540
I like this level.
226
00:08:34,541 --> 00:08:36,125
Fix it for me!
227
00:08:36,126 --> 00:08:37,859
Me?
228
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,695
Well, how am I supposed
to fix it?
229
00:08:39,696 --> 00:08:41,547
Simple! You want a girlfriend,
230
00:08:41,548 --> 00:08:43,332
Amy wants
to be someone's girlfriend.
231
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:46,301
Take her off my hands.
I give you my blessing.
232
00:08:46,302 --> 00:08:48,253
That is insane.
233
00:08:48,254 --> 00:08:49,838
You're right.
It would never work.
234
00:08:49,839 --> 00:08:51,473
Amy finds you tedious.
235
00:08:51,474 --> 00:08:53,225
Okay, good luck.
236
00:08:53,226 --> 00:08:55,377
Wait! What am I
supposed to do?
237
00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:58,147
Well, have you considered
telling her how you feel?
238
00:08:58,148 --> 00:09:01,934
Leonard, I'm a physicist,
not a hippie.
239
00:09:03,069 --> 00:09:04,603
All right, well, let me see
240
00:09:04,604 --> 00:09:06,905
if I can explain your situation
using physics.
241
00:09:06,906 --> 00:09:08,607
What would you be
242
00:09:08,608 --> 00:09:10,559
if you were attached
to another object
243
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,897
by an inclined plane wrapped
helically around an axis?
244
00:09:14,898 --> 00:09:16,298
Screwed.
245
00:09:19,369 --> 00:09:21,503
There you go.
246
00:09:24,207 --> 00:09:25,624
Amy's right.
247
00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:28,293
He is tedious.
248
00:09:30,513 --> 00:09:31,913
(doorbell rings)
249
00:09:31,914 --> 00:09:36,602
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, get the door!
250
00:09:36,603 --> 00:09:38,554
WOLOWITZ:
Why can't you get it?
251
00:09:38,555 --> 00:09:41,023
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse
252
00:09:41,024 --> 00:09:44,726
for my colonoscopy!
253
00:09:44,727 --> 00:09:48,831
I'm like an upside-down
volcano here.
254
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,668
Oh, hey.
255
00:09:52,669 --> 00:09:54,420
I hope you didn't hear that.
256
00:09:54,421 --> 00:09:56,538
The volcano thing? No.
257
00:09:56,539 --> 00:09:58,924
What's with the T-shirt?
258
00:09:58,925 --> 00:10:00,426
You working at the
Apple store now?
259
00:10:00,427 --> 00:10:02,678
No, it's just something
I threw on.
260
00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:03,962
I know all your shirts.
261
00:10:03,963 --> 00:10:05,380
That's not one of them...
262
00:10:05,381 --> 00:10:07,800
You were pretending to
work at the Genius Bar
263
00:10:07,801 --> 00:10:09,501
to pick up women,
weren't you?
264
00:10:09,502 --> 00:10:12,671
Yeah.
265
00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:15,224
Turns out,
they guard the iPods,
266
00:10:15,225 --> 00:10:17,359
but they don't
guard the shirts.
267
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,061
So, how'd it go?
268
00:10:19,062 --> 00:10:20,179
It was going well.
269
00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:21,930
I was showing
this super hot girl
270
00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:23,649
how to boot up in Safe Mode.
271
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:27,052
The manager got suspicious,
and, well, long story short,
272
00:10:27,053 --> 00:10:30,656
they really do have
a little jail in the mall.
273
00:10:30,657 --> 00:10:34,176
Just FYI, don't try to go
back with a fake mustache.
274
00:10:34,177 --> 00:10:36,295
I mean, they may not
really be geniuses,
275
00:10:36,296 --> 00:10:38,564
but they see
right through that.
276
00:10:38,565 --> 00:10:41,517
I want to invoke
the girlfriend pact, Howard.
277
00:10:41,518 --> 00:10:42,718
You that desperate?
278
00:10:42,719 --> 00:10:44,820
No, I just...
I want what you have.
279
00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:47,122
You know, I want
a woman in my life.
280
00:10:47,123 --> 00:10:48,757
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Holy Moses,
281
00:10:48,758 --> 00:10:52,177
how much liquid can
be in one tokus?
282
00:10:55,014 --> 00:10:58,233
To be clear, I meant like
Bernadette, not your mother.
283
00:10:58,234 --> 00:11:00,803
Yeah, I know
what you mean.
284
00:11:05,086 --> 00:11:06,820
Well, I'm off to meet
Bernadette's friend.
285
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,174
How do I look?
286
00:11:09,376 --> 00:11:10,477
As if one of the plants
287
00:11:10,478 --> 00:11:12,245
from
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
288
00:11:12,246 --> 00:11:14,013
duplicated you in every way,
289
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:16,783
only with an absurd
amount of hair gel.
290
00:11:17,568 --> 00:11:19,185
What are you
working on?
291
00:11:19,186 --> 00:11:21,104
I'm removing
my digital footprint
292
00:11:21,105 --> 00:11:22,255
from the Internet
293
00:11:22,256 --> 00:11:24,207
so Amy Farrah Fowler
can't find me
294
00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:26,876
and compel me to meet her mother.
Ah.
295
00:11:26,877 --> 00:11:28,294
You're going off the grid.
296
00:11:28,295 --> 00:11:29,362
Exactly.
297
00:11:29,363 --> 00:11:32,665
The old Unabomber approach.
Kudos.
298
00:11:32,666 --> 00:11:33,967
Thank you.
299
00:11:33,968 --> 00:11:37,387
I've also sent Amy a
relationship termination notice
300
00:11:37,388 --> 00:11:41,141
and changed my cell phone number
and e-mail address.
301
00:11:41,142 --> 00:11:42,892
What if she just comes over?
302
00:11:42,893 --> 00:11:43,893
She'll get lost.
303
00:11:43,894 --> 00:11:46,696
We no longer live
at 2311 Los Robles.
304
00:11:46,697 --> 00:11:51,785
We now live at 311 Los Robles.
305
00:11:53,821 --> 00:11:56,239
You changed the address
on the building?
306
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,390
What about mail?
307
00:11:57,391 --> 00:11:59,409
Oh, no worries--
I explained my predicament
308
00:11:59,410 --> 00:12:00,560
to our letter carrier.
309
00:12:00,561 --> 00:12:01,611
He was sympathetic.
310
00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:02,912
His exact words were:
311
00:12:02,913 --> 00:12:04,280
"Got your back, Jack.
312
00:12:04,281 --> 00:12:06,683
Bitches be crazy."
313
00:12:08,052 --> 00:12:10,236
(knocking)
314
00:12:12,556 --> 00:12:13,957
Who is it?
315
00:12:13,958 --> 00:12:15,675
Amy Farrah Fowler.
316
00:12:18,579 --> 00:12:20,797
(whispers):
Darn! She found me!
317
00:12:20,798 --> 00:12:22,682
She's been here before.
318
00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:27,103
The only flaw in an
otherwise perfect plan.
319
00:12:28,939 --> 00:12:30,140
Now, get my back, Jack.
320
00:12:30,141 --> 00:12:32,392
What do you want to do?
Tell her I'm not here.
321
00:12:32,393 --> 00:12:34,144
Okay, where are you?
I don't know.
322
00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:35,562
You'll have to devise a scenario
323
00:12:35,563 --> 00:12:37,063
that plausibly
explains my absence,
324
00:12:37,064 --> 00:12:41,868
keeping in mind that the key to
a good lie lies in the details.
325
00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:43,069
(knocking)
326
00:12:53,998 --> 00:12:55,248
Hi, Amy.
327
00:12:55,249 --> 00:12:56,633
Sheldon's not here.
328
00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:58,234
All right.
329
00:13:03,591 --> 00:13:05,958
Way to go on the details.
330
00:13:07,895 --> 00:13:10,480
Thanks again for
doing this, Bernadette.
331
00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:12,148
Oh, I take pacts
very seriously.
332
00:13:12,149 --> 00:13:14,467
One time at my lab,
a petri dish
333
00:13:14,468 --> 00:13:16,486
of genetically modified
super-virus went missing.
334
00:13:16,487 --> 00:13:19,138
That day we made a pinky swear
never to admit
335
00:13:19,139 --> 00:13:21,491
we crossed Ebola
with the common cold.
336
00:13:22,576 --> 00:13:24,410
(chuckling):
Why the hell
337
00:13:24,411 --> 00:13:27,163
would you cross Ebola
with the common cold?
338
00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:28,781
We never did.
339
00:13:28,782 --> 00:13:32,652
That would be
a terrible, terrible thing.
340
00:13:33,837 --> 00:13:35,838
Hi. Sorry I'm late--
I was at the gym.
341
00:13:35,839 --> 00:13:39,292
Spin class--
worked up quite a sweat.
342
00:13:42,263 --> 00:13:45,014
Joy, this is Leonard.
Leonard, this is Joy.
343
00:13:45,015 --> 00:13:46,099
Hi.
Hi.
344
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,634
You don't look
like a genius.
345
00:13:47,635 --> 00:13:48,768
Go ahead, say
something smart.
346
00:13:48,769 --> 00:13:50,653
Uh...
Aah! Time's up.
347
00:13:51,939 --> 00:13:53,106
JOY:
Just kidding.
348
00:13:53,107 --> 00:13:55,108
First thing you need
to know about me:
349
00:13:55,109 --> 00:13:56,526
I'm hilarious.
350
00:13:58,362 --> 00:14:00,113
Yeah.
351
00:14:00,114 --> 00:14:01,397
LEONARD:
So, Bernadette tells me
352
00:14:01,398 --> 00:14:03,783
she knows you from
self-defense classes?
353
00:14:03,784 --> 00:14:05,785
Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga.
354
00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:07,003
Lots of fun.
355
00:14:07,004 --> 00:14:08,871
Basically,
a hundred different ways
356
00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:11,023
to rip a guy's nuts off.
357
00:14:11,926 --> 00:14:13,693
LEONARD:
Wow. Wouldn't think there'd
358
00:14:13,694 --> 00:14:14,961
be that many.
Number 42!
359
00:14:14,962 --> 00:14:16,496
Whoa!
360
00:14:16,497 --> 00:14:18,331
Isn't she a pip?
361
00:14:25,506 --> 00:14:28,708
(rhythmically):
Proxima Centauri's
the nearest star.
362
00:14:28,709 --> 00:14:31,928
The celestial bodies
that follow are
363
00:14:31,929 --> 00:14:34,347
Alpha Centauri A, Toli,
364
00:14:34,348 --> 00:14:36,048
Barnard's Star,
365
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:38,234
Wolf 359...
366
00:14:42,823 --> 00:14:45,074
Lalande 21185,
367
00:14:45,075 --> 00:14:47,076
Sirius A, Sirius B,
368
00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:50,580
BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti,
369
00:14:50,581 --> 00:14:52,898
Ross 154...
370
00:14:52,899 --> 00:14:55,084
Ross 248...
371
00:14:56,754 --> 00:14:58,588
Epsilon Eridani,
372
00:14:58,589 --> 00:15:01,057
Lac-9352,
373
00:15:01,058 --> 00:15:02,342
Ross 128,
374
00:15:02,343 --> 00:15:04,227
Procyon A...
375
00:15:04,228 --> 00:15:06,796
Oh, darn, that's wrong!
376
00:15:11,735 --> 00:15:14,070
EZ Aquarii A,
377
00:15:14,071 --> 00:15:16,039
EZ Aquarii B,
378
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,641
EZ Aquarii C,
379
00:15:18,642 --> 00:15:21,277
Procyon A.
380
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:24,630
Those are the stars
that are nearest to me.
381
00:15:24,631 --> 00:15:27,450
Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee.
382
00:15:31,455 --> 00:15:33,489
Oh, dear.
383
00:15:34,491 --> 00:15:37,543
They really do be crazy.
384
00:15:40,798 --> 00:15:43,115
(belches loudly)
385
00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:45,752
This lobster's good
on the way down
386
00:15:45,753 --> 00:15:47,587
and the way up.
387
00:15:48,722 --> 00:15:51,457
Should be-- it's
$30 a pound.
388
00:15:52,476 --> 00:15:55,628
Hey, this is a date, right?
389
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:57,764
Yep, it is.
390
00:15:57,765 --> 00:15:59,232
73!
Whoa!
391
00:16:00,818 --> 00:16:04,520
(clears throat)
Excuse me, I have to go
to the little girls' room...
392
00:16:04,521 --> 00:16:06,072
and take a wicked whiz.
393
00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:08,241
I'll go with you.
394
00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:10,243
Fair warning--
I had the asparagus.
395
00:16:10,244 --> 00:16:13,062
My pea is gonna
stink up the place.
396
00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:16,582
(singsongy):
I think she likes you.
397
00:16:20,537 --> 00:16:23,790
EZ Aquarii B...
398
00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:25,758
EZ Aquarii C...
399
00:16:25,759 --> 00:16:29,078
(mumbling)
400
00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:35,968
(deep voice):
Excuse me, madam.
401
00:16:36,970 --> 00:16:38,187
Sheldon?
402
00:16:38,188 --> 00:16:40,523
(quietly):
Rats!
403
00:16:40,524 --> 00:16:44,227
I believe a misunderstanding
may have occurred
404
00:16:44,228 --> 00:16:46,479
when I asked you
to meet my mother.
405
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:47,780
No misunderstanding.
406
00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:50,233
I've learned what that
request actually means,
407
00:16:50,234 --> 00:16:53,119
and I don't want to be
joined to another object
408
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,923
by an inclined plane wrapped
helically around an axis.
409
00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:59,125
In what way are
you screwed?
410
00:17:00,527 --> 00:17:03,563
All I want to do is present you
as my boyfriend to my mother
411
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,798
so she'll be satisfied
that I'm in a relationship.
412
00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:08,801
So we'd be
perpetrating a ruse?
413
00:17:08,802 --> 00:17:10,236
Precisely.
414
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:13,873
And you haven't fallen
hopelessly in love with me?
415
00:17:13,874 --> 00:17:15,675
Don't be absurd.
416
00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:18,578
I find the notion
of romantic love
417
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,246
to be an unnecessary
cultural construct
418
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,582
that adds no value to
human relationships.
419
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:26,102
Amy Farrah Fowler, that's
the most pragmatic thing
420
00:17:26,103 --> 00:17:28,421
anyone has ever said to me.
421
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,990
I trust this clarification
allows us to return
422
00:17:30,991 --> 00:17:34,093
to boy-slash-friend-slash-
girl-slash-friend status.
423
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,411
Of course.
424
00:17:35,412 --> 00:17:38,047
Would you like to join me
for Chinese food?
425
00:17:38,048 --> 00:17:40,666
Sheldon, please,
you're suffocating me.
426
00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:44,069
My apologies.
427
00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:47,089
Good night, Amy.
Good night, Sheldon.
428
00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:49,659
Come on, just
give her a chance.
429
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:51,527
Maybe she'll grow on you.
430
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:55,681
Or maybe she'll finally succeed in
ripping my nuts off.
431
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:59,852
There are still 93 ways
she hasn't tried yet.
432
00:17:59,853 --> 00:18:01,838
Look, H-Howard,
I appreciate
433
00:18:01,839 --> 00:18:04,957
the effort, but this is, like,
the worst date of my life.
434
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,392
(laughs)
Seriously?
435
00:18:06,393 --> 00:18:10,196
I was once robbed by a pre-op
transsexual I met on J-Date,
436
00:18:10,197 --> 00:18:13,399
and that didn't
even crack my top ten.
437
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,486
I guess the difference is,
I have some self-respect.
438
00:18:16,487 --> 00:18:19,388
Not that I've ever seen.
439
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:21,073
It's relatively new.
440
00:18:21,074 --> 00:18:22,708
I just know that
441
00:18:22,709 --> 00:18:25,244
I'm not gonna spend time
with someone I don't like
442
00:18:25,245 --> 00:18:26,829
simply to have a girlfriend.
443
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:28,247
I'm okay on my own.
444
00:18:28,248 --> 00:18:32,117
Good news-- I made
lots of room for dessert.
445
00:18:33,303 --> 00:18:36,121
Look, uh, Joy, it was nice
to meet you, but...
446
00:18:36,122 --> 00:18:38,424
Yeah, you, too.
Hey, you got anything for next weekend?
447
00:18:38,425 --> 00:18:40,243
I need a date for
my cousin's wedding.
448
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,594
You're asking me out?
449
00:18:41,595 --> 00:18:42,628
JOY:
Yeah.
450
00:18:42,629 --> 00:18:43,930
And it's an open bar,
451
00:18:43,931 --> 00:18:46,983
so I'll probably
be giving it away.
452
00:18:49,069 --> 00:18:51,604
I look forward to it.
453
00:18:57,959 --> 00:19:00,144
MRS. FOWLER (on laptop):
It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon.
454
00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:01,886
I honestly didn't believe Amy
455
00:19:01,887 --> 00:19:04,478
when she told me
she had a boyfriend.
456
00:19:05,288 --> 00:19:07,608
I assure you I am quite real
457
00:19:07,611 --> 00:19:11,147
and I'm having regular intercourse
with your daughter.
458
00:19:12,149 --> 00:19:14,167
What?
459
00:19:14,168 --> 00:19:15,418
Oh, yes.
460
00:19:15,419 --> 00:19:18,621
We're like wild
animals in heat.
461
00:19:18,622 --> 00:19:21,891
It's a wonder neither
of us has been hurt.
462
00:19:21,892 --> 00:19:24,894
Amy... what is he saying?
463
00:19:24,895 --> 00:19:27,847
You wanted me to have
a boyfriend, Mother.
464
00:19:27,848 --> 00:19:29,916
Well, here he is.
465
00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:34,070
Have to sign off now.
466
00:19:34,071 --> 00:19:36,839
My hunger for Sheldon
is stirring in my loins.
467
00:19:38,192 --> 00:19:40,593
Oh, yes, it's time
for me to make love
468
00:19:40,594 --> 00:19:42,061
to your daughter's vagina.
469
00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:49,068
Thank you, Sheldon,
that went very well.
470
00:19:49,069 --> 00:19:50,620
Agreed.
471
00:19:50,621 --> 00:19:52,789
Amy, I find
myself wondering
472
00:19:52,790 --> 00:19:55,324
if we should actually
engage in coitus
473
00:19:55,325 --> 00:19:58,027
at least one time
in our relationship.
474
00:19:58,712 --> 00:20:00,580
Bazinga.
475
00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:04,217
Bedtime. Please
show yourself out.
476
00:20:04,218 --> 00:20:07,302
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --